It’s been 2 months and still in Bogota. Still fighting the bordom. And winning. I’m slowly becoming more disciplined and getting more things done. While here I have no desire to be any where else.

Legal Worker

So I got my Colombian cedula for foreigners. It’s like a temporary work visa/social security card of Colombia. It’s a big step towards being Colombian. Now I can legally work and open a bank account and pay taxes, yet curiously, I can’t sign up for a program to acquire points at the local Colombian version of Walmart. I’ll check to see if I can get a driver’s license because I’d like to purchase a motorcycle.  

Paralysis by too many decisions

I’ve been working on my Bogota video. It’s been difficult because most of what I shoot just isn’t good enough. I find it incredibly difficult to make videos these days. I just need to release the videos and not care about the quality. I’m too critical and generally negative about what I produce. 

 

Teaching English

Teaching has been difficult, but I like the difficultness. It keeps me active and alive. Teaching classes has forced me to wake up early and hit the streets early in the day. If I wasn’t teaching I’d be sleeping-in. Also, I’m forced to sit in front of the computer and rack my brain trying to create stimulating and efficient lesson plans almost every day of the week.

Collaborating with Colombians

I finally filmed a Colombian local to speak in my video of Champinero, the neighborhood that I live in. She was a vendor who wanted to sell me something for an obviously elevated price. I knew what the price should have been, so I said no. Then I said, “Hey I’ll buy that item if you agree to appear in a video with me.” She was hesitant so I explained that she wouldn’t have to do much. I paid for the item and then she said she wasn’t ready to do it and that she would return later. I hear this a lot. And everyone gets cold-feet. So I insisted to film immediately. We filmed and it came out well. And she did well, saying some nice things about the neighborhood. 

House in the Country

I went with my friend Lina to her family’s property an hour outside of Bogota. It was a beautiful weekend and I met a bunch of people and two of them are ladies who I would like to know better. I went out on a date with one, Sofia. We had a good time. We drank and smoked. While at her apartment she broke out 3 bottles of rum for me to taste. Lol. I got so buzzed that on the way home when the Uber driver dropped me off I ended up with his phone in my hand. Luckily, I was able to flag him down before he left. I’ll see Sofia again. She has good energy.

Nightcrawling

I’ve been going out and taking video of the night life. I’m not socializing but at least I’m out there in the action. And there’s lots of action in Champinero, a central part of the city that reminds me of Greenwich Village, New York in the 70’s. 

Caution: Transvestites

So I’m wandering the streets at night just checking out the reality and I was waiting at a bus stop and this transvestite was trying to get my attention. I usually ignore them and/or increase distance from them, but this night I was in a social mood and I wanted to talk to someone. I said hello. He wanted to know if I wanted a companion for the night. I said no. He continued to try to convince me and I continued to say no in various forms. He got the point, while not happy about it, and walked away, but not before giving me a little slap in the genitals area. I was a shocked and didn’t react angrily. I just thought it was funny. But after a few minutes as time passed I got angry. Well, that’s the last time I converse with a transvestite. Sometimes, because of how they appear, we forget they are men. And men will assault you if you piss them off. Luckily it didn’t hurt.

Top Secret Security Clearance

My background check for the US Consulate job is pretty intense. They have spoken with my friends, former co-workers and my youngest brother. I just had a 4 hour interview, which has been the 3rd interview. To date, I’ve had to take 2 tests, one in Spanish, and have had 3 interviews and an evaluation board analyzed my resume. I’m getting a “Top Secret” security clearance, which is surprising because I’ll just be interviewing people who apply for visas at a US Consulate.  

Talking to Strangers

I finally approached and initiated conversation with some women in public. I wasn’t sure what to say. Like, do I just introduce myself and ask them how they are doing? It seems too cliché or fake. I wanted to say something authentic, something that didn’t cause my body language to tick because I’d be saying something I don’t believe in. So I thought of a real question from my inner me. I saw two attractive women walking my way at my gym, Smart Fit, and I asked, “Do you guys know Champinero?” They said yes. I replied, “I’m not from here and I make videos with my drone and I’m looking for a place to film.” They were happy to help. The conversation continued well. I got some good information and I’m thrilled to have overcome a fear. 

Conclusion:

Sometimes what’s best for us is not what we choose in the moment.

   

8,661 Feet Above Sea Level

Finally in Bogota. It’s chilly and I’m in a very urban part. Many people on the street going to and fro, cars and motorcycles. I feel good. Last night I was drinking with a few guys I had just met. We were in an apartment on the 17th floor and we had some weed and whiskey. The guys were talking excitedly and it was pretty difficult to understand, yet it was enjoyable interpreting the body language and the emotions that came through the chain of sounds that I didn’t understand. Sometimes it’s preferable to no be able to understand people. I was talking to this guy I just met he was a dentist about weird shit. Another guy was a lawyer. All were a little nerdy and pretty smart, I gathered. Cultural integration is great.

Small World

I met a girl here. She’s also from Miami and we hung out with my friend, Lina, who lives here too, and who I met in Miami Beach. Well, me and this girl, Andrea, we hit it off and I’m going to see her again. Honestly, I want to meet a local Colombia girl, but if my experience with Andrea goes well, then why not? As long as I meet a good woman. It doesn’t matter where she’s from. 

Time to Act

I realize more than ever that I need to act and act now. Raise a family. It has to be now. Go fast go quick be confident be aggressive be someone who knows what they want and knows how to get it. 

Champinero

I walk the streets of Bogota. Central downtown Bogota. Many people in the streets and it’s bustling, even at night. The neighborhood I’m in is kinda run down but it’s got great restaurants, bars, and the like. Well decorated, great lighting. The interiors are fabulous. Very artsy in the esthetic. I’m inspired by the energy of the people and the lighting. 

2 Girls and a Guy

I was walking next to a park called “Parque de Los Hippies” and there were people everywhere talking, drinking, and smoking Mary Jane. I approached two girls:

Me: Hello, do you know why this is called Parque de los Hippies?

Girls: No

A little awkward silence

Me: Because the park is full of hippies.

Girls: 

Me: Modern day hippies! With a new style.

Silence

Me: Ok, have a good night!

The girls looked uncomfortable. About as uncomfortable as I felt. 

I didn’t make friends, but at least I tried by initiating conversation. I walked away smiling.  

Another Encounter

About a few days later in the same park. I bought a beer and crossed the street. I saw a policeman coming down the street towards me. I got nervous, because I had been stopped by the cops before while drinking a beer on the street in Mexico, so I kept walking and approached two girls and asked them if it was legal to drink in public. They said yes and then another cop comes by and walks really close to us. It was creepy. One girl was Venezuelan but had lived in Colombia for 4 years, and the other was a Colombian girl from Cartagena. Overall the conversation was good. We talked and laughed. Then the Venezuelan girl said that there was a club down the street that was the biggest club in Latin America. I said, “how do you know that?” Like, I hear that phrase all the time. This is the biggest ________ of (place). It could be Latin America or the world or the United States. She reacted somewhat crest-fallen. This conversation didn’t go over well. Then later, different subject, the girl said, “Spanish is harder to learn that English.” I hear this all the time. But nobody really knows which is harder to learn. We spoke in English and I told her that she knows what it’s like to learn English, but she doesn’t know what it’s like to learn Spanish, so she cannot compare the two. This also didn’t go over well. I should have known that this would not be a popular topic but I tread in anyway because I wanted to not be a ‘kiss-ass’, and remain quiet with something I don’t agree with. Now that I think about it, I should have let these two conversation topics just go. 

Learning

Today I was at the store buying jeans. I looked at many pairs narrowing it down to two. I chose 1 pair but the employee handed the cashier the two pairs. I told the cashier that I was only purchasing two. He rang up a charge larger than expected so I asked him, did he ring up both? He said yes. So I was about to say, “I told you that I wanted just one.” But I didn’t. Instead I said, “I’m only buying one pair.” I’m glad with that decision, because reminding others that they made a mistake isn’t nice. I’d be a little bothered if someone said that to me, and they have.

Lost Family

I did the 23 and Me DNA test and from those results, my brother, Kelly, and I were able to find the identity of our Grandfather. Now we have spoken with his children who are our 2 Uncles and Aunt. This is fascinating and it happened so quickly. All of a sudden we have additional family members. Grandfather is named James Shredl and he’s of Czech descent. And when I saw that I had 25.8% Czech DNA, I knew something was up.

Dream Job

I took and passed the Oral Assessment of the Consular Fellows Program. It was a two day interview and they asked me really difficult questions. For example: When was a time that you had an interpersonal conflict at work and how did you settle it? This interview was in addition to a multiple choice test. Then a review board then a Spanish test. Now all I have to do is pass a medical examination and a background check, which I believe will be no problem. I’m thrilled about this. I would be working at a US consulate in a Spanish speaking country. It’s the job I’ve been trying to get for over 8 years. I’ve taken the tests multiple times but never got this far. The money is good, too. More bones than I’ve ever made and the benefits are really, really good, and of course I would be living overseas. This could be my retirement job, a ride off into the sunset job. I’m going to do anything to get this job. 

Conclusion

Life can turn on a dime. Make that part of your prediction for your future.

Pittsburgh Bye Bye

My 2 weeks in Pittsburgh/West Virginia went well. I did lot’s of filming of food and of John’s restaurant, Chief’s Smokin’ BBQ. It was a different world I was in, like a world of Appalachia. Different than my normal day-to-day world. I’ve been in Florida for awhile so that was the world I was use to. The Pittsburgh/West Virginia area was cold. Some days it got down to 10 degrees! But I went to work at my friend’s restaurant everyday with him and the boys. We made a bonfire everyday in front of the restaurant so we kept warm. It was a good time.  Below is one of the videos I made for the restaurant.

Bulverde, Texas

I’ve been at my brother’s house for about 3 weeks. It’s been relaxing. He and his wife have dogs, cats, and chickens. Our father even came out to visit. Everyday I’ll do some work around the house, which includes lots of yard work: cutting big branches that fell when there was freezing rain a few weeks back.  Weed wacking, even fixing a little plumbing. And also creating a nature trail just outside his compound.

Pre Colombia

I’ve been doing all the paperwork needed to legally work in Colombia, which included my diploma,my teaching certificate, Social Security Statement, and resume. I don’t know if I’ll be happy in Colombia. Usually when I’m moving to a new place I’m optimistic that I’m going to be happy and wonderful things will happen and usually my expectations surpass the reality. This time I’m trying to convince myself that I will be unhappy in Colombia. Perhaps in the end I’ll be more happy because I’ll have I higher chance of exceeding my expectations. Crossing my fingers.  

I might not be someone’s cup of tea, but I’m someone’s shot of whiskey. 

Social Security

I applied for Social Security benefits because my knee is damaged and my back is increasingly bothering me and they asked me how much money I made per month. In the back of my mind I knew that the number couldn’t be high. I make about a 1000 dollars a month but I told them I made 2400. I lied. I don’t know why, but after thinking about it I lied because I wanted to appear more successful than I really am even though this killed my chances of getting benefits. I was rejected because I had to have made less than 1400 dollars. My insecurity killed me. Truthfully, I am qualified for benefits but I fucked it up.  

The North

My1st week in Pittsburgh/Wellsburg, WV. Waking up every work day at 6am. At the restaurant at 7am. Spend the whole day making fire and photographing/filming food at the restaurant. They’d prepare the food and put it into my portable studio, which is on a table in the middle of the kitchen, I’d take a few pics then they’d bag it and hand it over to the customer. Smooth, efficient operation. 

Sell Out

I sold my Canon lens for 550 dollars. I was willing to go down in price but the buyer didn’t haggle so I sold it for what I listed it as. After making the deal I kinda felt bad, like part of me just wants to give things away and not sell them. This attitude may be responsible for why I’m not successful, monetarily, in life. Now I’m selling my Sony A6600 for 600 hundred because I replaced it with the Sony AR7 iii, a camera I should have bought a year ago.  I met the buyer at a Bar. He bought me a drink and we talked shop.

Conclusion: 

Everything has a value. Find the people who value it. 

The Rabbit Hole

I’ve been watching too much Youtube videos. There’s so much content on there. You can watch anything on any subject. History, math, psychology, politics. Anything! So I’ve been trying to watch less. It’s like a drug that’s occupying my time that could be better spent on things that matter, like working, creating, or running errands.

The Plans

I have one more month here in St Petersburg. I’m really excited to leave and start something new. After here, I’ll be visiting my friend John in Pittsburg, my Aunt in Arizona and my brother in Texas then off to Colombia to teach English. Also, I have a friend, Lina, who lives there in Bogota, Colombia. We both lived in Miami Beach when we met, and we had a romantic relationship, too. Great person. She moved back to Bogota, Colombia a few years ago.

Work Life

At work we celebrated the 30th Anniversary of Ferg’s Sports Bar. It’s been a great place to work. I made a video ’cause that’s what I do. Also, perhaps it could get me more hours per week. I’ll miss this place.

Courting

I was hit on by a woman my age. She’s a traveler just like me. We’ve had various converations at the Driftwood, my Kava/Kratom bar that I frequent. But no sparks, unfortunetely.

Prepared?

I’m leaving St Pete in 2 weeks. I’m moving to Bogota, Colombia. I’ll be taking with me about 4000 dollars and credit card debt, to boot. I know that for the next year in Colombia I’m going to be poor, but I’ll be frugal, like always, and survive. Perhaps I’ll be able to make some money on the side tutoring English or filming and editing for a business that wants a commercial.

Dating?

I’ll be honest, for the 7 months I’ve been here I’ve asked only one girl out. And that was via text. Ok, I’m the problem. I need to try harder. Yesterday, I approached an attractive girl on the street. That was the first time I’ve done that while here in St Pete. The first step to solving a problem is to admit you have a problem.

Indie*Pendence Party

I finished the video of our 4th of July party. We rented an Airbnb with a lot of space to party. Hot Tub, DJ’s, booze, mushrooms and fire dancers.

Conclusion:

Just do it, either travel or looking for love.

The Vlog, in Spanish:

The Latest

So all is good. Working and looking for a job. I had an interview with the most happening dive bar in downtown St Petersburg (Bar@548). Fun fact: When the hurricane was coming to St. Pete, Bar@548 was the only business open. I went there that night. I had to see who these people were?! Who goes to a bar in a hurricane?! Well, the interview went well and they even mentioned that they needed help doing videos, and that’s my speciality. They haven’t called back. I also have an interview with the Marriot hotel. Probably an easier job but certainly less money. Oh, and I also taught a demo class via a zoom call with a language school in Bogotá, Colombia. I may work there. I taught about business orientated phone calls. As a teaching device I used an SNL sketch. The sketch was about a guy who just wanted to cancel his cable. He got the runaround but finally ended up talking to a god-like being who was the source of the cable. The language school said I did a good job and we’ll continue the interview process.

(edit from the future) I got the job. 90% sure I’ll take it. I may not be able to do the Camino de Santiago in January, though. 

Dangerous Man At The Bar

After work on a Saturday night there were some big UFC fights being shown at my work so I went there to have a few beers with my co-workers. I was riding my scooter so I was wearing black gloves and I was dressed from head to toe in black. And I was wearing my yellow sunglasses for night riding. Later that night one of my co-workers, McKensie, pulls me aside and tells me that some customers approached her and alerted her to a strange, possibly threatening man dressed in black. We laughed. By the way, that night I was looking dapper in all black. Black suede boots and button down shirt and tie. People took notice and asked why. At first I said it was because I like to dress up every so often but then I remembered it was because I didn’t have any other clean clothes.  

Later all of us workers, some drunk, others not, moved a pirate ship float that we have parked out back. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers are the football team here and this area has real pirate lore. There’s a big party here called Gasparilla Pirate Festival.

Hotliners

Me and Oppie made a sketch comedy called Hotliners. It’s about a hotline for people who don’t get shotgun and about hotliners who help them. It’s dark and funny. Maybe too dark.  We made light of a suicide.

Teach in Colombia

As referenced above. I’ve been hired to work as an English Teacher in Bogota, Colombia starting in a few months in February or March 2023. I’m really happy but also a little nervous starting anew and ending my time here in St Petersburg. Also, I’ll be leaving my good friends Oppie and Thu. The position is at an English language school teaching Adults with an emphasis on business English. I’ve been to Colombia before while in the military and then as a civilian around 2003. I had rented a room in Medellin for about 3 months. I was living/traveling off my savings so there wasn’t a necessity to socially interact with people while there which indirectly led to depression. Imagine that! I was traveling with a bunch of coin in the bank and depressed! ?? I’ve come to the realization that if you are naturally an introvert but want to make friends and get into the culture, it helps to have a job, even if you don’t need the money, forcing you to interact, sometimes in negative situations. 

Captain Kraut

I went to Oppie’s to film a short video introducing a character he created for every World Cup. BTW, Oppie is a Germany fan because his family originated from there. His character is called “Captain Kraut” We filmed it with my scooter and drone on the street. I didn’t use a German song, instead I used a song from the Brazilian group “Sepultura”

Moto Vlog

I’m still doing my vlog. This episode is filmed on my scooter. It’s hypnotic. You watch the scenery pass by as you take in the information. Don’t know if my Spanish is getting worse or just staying at the same level, but maintaining my vlog in Spanish helps.

Conclusion:

Film and keep filming and yet get your work out there.

Tropical Storm

Hurricane Ian just passed. For awhile the weather experts were predicting St. Pete was getting hit, so we all took precautions. Turns out it passed south besieging Fort Myers. While the winds were strong, I went out and filmed it and the wind almost tore the umbrella out of my hands. Many parts of the city lost electricity. St Pete dodged a bullet but they shut the airport down and I lost my flight to California. So I shelled out more cash to buy it again. Well, money is meant to be spent. 

Reunion

I went to a military reunion. It was in Las Vegas and it was from a squadron I was in when I worked in Panama for two years. Part of me didn’t want to go, because I don’t have a lot of money. But I think it was worth it. It’s my past it’s with people that I enjoyed the best two years of my life with. You can’t worry about money all the time. 

Scooter

I bought a scooter. I’m really thrilled about this. It’s retro and sexy. Got a deal with a good business that helped me pay less money. I had done my research on multiple dealers in the area and everyone was charging to put it together, tag and title and taxes. My dealer wasn’t charging any of it, so I asked him why? He had a good explanation but convoluted. Something to do with tax and regulations. I gave him a good tip and will be going back. A good, trustworthy mechanic is hard to find. 

High School Reunion

I went to California for my high school reunion. It was awesome! The first night we attended a football game of my former school, Cordova High. After the game we met up at Players Bar. I had too much to drink, took an Uber to somewhere unknown and by telephone’s battery died. Then I tried to get into a car because in my mind I was convinced that it was my friend’s car. Someone called the cops and I told the cops the situation and they charged my phone for me and I got an Uber home. But back to the reunion, I saw the girl that I loved in high school, but I wasn’t ever able to make any meaningful relationship out of it. Her name is Carolyn. 

3 Wolves

I just finished the first video for my client Caleb who started 3 Wolves clothing brand. He designs them, too. I filmed the first photo shoot.

Party: “Nerd Up”

My friend Oppie and friends organized an art show/party. Very cool. Live music, poetry, and venders selling art. I met interesting people there. For example, a guy who made a sculpture from tin of zombies eating someone. There was even a baby zombie taking part in the meal.  

 

Work Situation

Damn, I’m not working very many days a week. I need the cash so I can travel again. I want to go do the Camino de Santiago in Spain. It’s a pilgrimage from southern France to the west coast of Spain. People have been doing it for 1100 years. It’ll take at least 30 days of walking and if I go in January, it’ll be cold and probably a little snow. Oh well, then it’ll be more dramatic for the filming that I’ll be doing. Film it and possibly make some money. And I’ll be walking it with Agustin, an old friend who lives in Madrid. 

Conclusion:

Motorcycles make life more fun.

Kava Bar

I’ve started to go to a Kava bar in downtown. By the way, Kava is a drink from the South Pacific islands that makes you feel relaxed and high. It’s very easy to get work done at the bar. I put my laptop on a hightable near the bar and drink kava as I edit. I don’t get distracted and waste time watching videos and reading news articles. I stay editing. Part of the reason is because people can see my screen and I want them to see that I’m working and not just goofing off. The Kava bar looks like a bar but people aren’t acting drunk. Everyone is chill and friendly. These didn’t exist when I was in my 20’s and 30’s. I met some people who have replaced alcohol with Kava.

A Gig

I got a gig filming an a hip clothing line photo shoot. I need to do this, even if it’s low paying because It’s good practice and I’ll meet people. Also, I need to get out of my fear of working as a freelance Videographer. My buddy, Oppie, recommended me. I want to do this as my primary job. Yet, I’m attracted to salary work because I just follow orders and collect a paycheck. Mentally, it’s easy. Yet I need to tackle the less easy but more rewarding way of making money. And I’ll meet new people!

Anger issues

I was at work. Bussing tables, cleaning, and taking out the trash. A customer sitting at a table nearby asked me.”Excuse me but I ordered my food a half hour ago and it still hasn’t arrived. Can you check to see if it’s coming out?” So I stopped what I was doing and went to the kitchen to see if the order for that table had gone out or was about to go out. They said they hadn’t seen that order. So I then went out to see if those customers had received their order while I was running around. Nope, they didn’t have any order recently arrived on their table. So I went to tell my boss, who was at the 2nd kitchen, about the situation. So he immediately told the cook to make that order “on the fly!” In the meantime I check on the table that was the cause of all this fluffery. I went up to them and told them that the food is on it’s way. They responded that they had already got the food that was “missing.” Ok, so to not have the cook make a burger that isn’t needed, I hurried back and told him to cancel it. He told the cook and got pretty mad himself. Honestly, after hearing him get mad I started feeling anger grow up inside me. I went about my job and felt like getting angry with someone. But I said no I shouldn’t do that, instead the anger should stop with me and not infect others. In the past I would get mad at someone innocent that wasn’t involved with the origin of the anger, and then feel bad at myself for getting mad at someone for a trivial issue.

I just found out that that supervisor was just fired for stealing money.

30 Year Reunion

I just bought a plane ticket to go to a thirty year high school reunion. I’m so excited. I’m going to see a lot of old friends I haven’t seen in a long time. I’m still close with a lot of high school friends. Facebook helps. These are people who occupy a special place in my heart, inspite of not seeing each other for a long time.

A Shrink

I’m going to see a psychiatrist for the first time in my life. I wanted to see one for many years, but I never had the courage to do so. I’m going to talk to this medical professional about my inability to have loving relationships and the inability to live in one place for any meaningful period of a time. 

Update: I saw the Doc. The conversation covered many topics including my childhood and he prescribed me money.

Drone Dudes

When I was visiting John in Pittsburg he thought of an idea for a video. It’s called Drone Dudes. It’s about two guys who fly drones. Since I’m always flying my drone it was a logical idea. We filmed a chilly day on a cliff above Pittsburgh. This is the result. 

Vlog:

I keep on with my vlog in Spanish. I don’t have anyone to speak Spanish with so I talk by myself. LoL!

Conclusion:

Stay busy so you don’t hear the voices. And be social, even if it’s difficult. Talk to strangers.

Conversation killer:

I was talking to a good friend of mine named Oppie. I told him I visited Miami and I told him that I saw my ex-wife. He asked what we talked about. I told him that I asked her if she wanted to have children. He then asked me if I was prepared to have a child. I said no but I wanted a child anyway and I continued, “many people aren’t prepared to have children and are having children everyday.” He kept harping on this topic and I got mad inside and told him he “needed to wrap up it up!” He got mad at me and I think got a little sad. I could’ve handled it better. At the end of the night we left on good terms but our relationship overall has soured.  

Workin’ for a livin’

I’m working about 3 days a week. I wish I was working more but sometimes our baseball team, the Tampa Bay Rays, play away, meaning they’re not playing a block from us, so that means we don’t get much business. Hopefully business will pick up because I need the money, especially if I start traveling in October. Football season starts next month, NFL and College, so along with baseball, I’ll be making decent coin. 

Drone news

My new drone is very good. It’s small. And the quality is good. Now I need to get rid of my older drone, the Mavic Pro 2. I think I can sell it for 700 dollars. It’s still in good condition. Oh and then I crashed my drone. I had it in automatic mode. It was following my every move ‘cause I commanded it to track me. I didn’t have my controller in my hand so it’d be a natural-looking shot. So It went into a tree and crashed to the street. But all good, it’s a sturdy drone, DJI Mini Pro 3.

Drugs of change

I haven’t drank coffee in 3 days. This is kinda like a miracle. I’ve been a frequent coffee drinker for many years, all my adult life. Multiple cups a day. Also, I stopped smoking weed and only drink alcohol occasionally, like once a week. This is all new for me. I wonder if my personality will change and if I’ll be a better worker or be more social. 

Romance

I’ll be honest. I’m not doing anything to get a girlfriend right now. I’m not secure with my situation. I don’t have a car. I don’t have a nice residence. My apartment is small and there’s no kitchen. It’s like a cheap motel room. I need to try, though. What do I have to lose, right? And I have everything to gain. I go out at night and see  many women that I want to talk to, then I think they will just reject me, so I will just reject them first by not talking to them. I remain alone but happy that I haven’t been rejected. Sheesh! Not a good way to see life. How do I break out?

Update: I talked to a girl in a Kava Bar.

The effect of Kava: numbing the lips and mouth, and pleasant feeling like being drunk or high, but not very strong.  

Health is wealth

A good thing about my current life is that I’m consistently going to the gym. I’ve always been good at that. I never understood people who say that can’t regularly go to the gym. I love it and it always makes me feel better, especially mentally. 

My second job

As usual I stay busy editing video. I just finished a commercial for my friend’s BBQ restaurant. I could’ve finished it quickly but I dragged it out by procrastinating and editing it very slowly.  I need to edit more and more frequently. But it’s so tedious that I get distracted and do something else, like watching YouTube or Tic Tok videos. 

In conclusion

 If you want something that you’ve never had before you have to do something you’ve never done before.